Tj left the table where he had been dining and slowly made his to the counselor’s office. He wasn’t in a rush he was actually dreading going. While talking to people helped some he found a way to relieve the pain and anger of the past. It was a window into one’s soul and all the trouble that came with it. As he approached the door he stopped and pulled his tunic tight before taking a deep breath. Once he heard a voice from call enter he took one last deep breath and walked in. ‘You can do this he told himself.
He smiled at the counselor a young trill with short-cropped black hair. She smiled as he took a seat.
“Lieutenant commander River’s it has been a while since you last came to see me,” she said with a soft but scalding voice.
“It has but” he paused taking a deep breath and looking into her hazel eyes. “I’m not sleeping again,” he said his voice wavering.
“Nightmares or just not able to sleep?”
“I’m back on the ship I relive those last few minutes before the USS Rome is destroyed. I see the faces of those who never came home.”
“When did this start?’ She asked. She was pretty sure she already knew the answer
“The first came after the anniversary than a few days later after Captian Shadix passed” he sounded like a man on the verge of breaking.
“Were you close to him the captain? I know you served with him a few times”
“He was like a parent to me. I wouldn’t be who I am without him” he paused and looked around the room as if he thought someone else was in the room. “I remember being in a cell, my head bleeding and aching. My body is weak and my mind fading. I thought that was the end. I laid there and when I heard phaser’s and voices I thought that it was my head playing tricks on me that I was finally going to die cold surrounded by strangers and at the hand of the house of Mo’kia.” He said softly tears welling in his eyes.
She just looked at him and listened, sometimes people need to talk just to have someone listen. She placed a hand on his shoulder.
“I heard gaps as the door was opened, it wasn’t my friend’s but it was Starfleet. When I work I was. In a hospital unit, he came to see me a few times. We would talk and I was offered the chance to be his new executive officer but it fell through.” He said a tear rolling down his face.
“We stayed in touch and he helped guide me and to keep my spirits up. When I joined Starfleet intelligence it was his recommendation that got me the offer. He showed me what I meant to be a Starfleet officer.”
“He sounds like a great man and I can tell the impact he had on you. Did you have a chance to say goodbye?”
“No, I was here with my family getting ready for my future when I heard the news. It was my wife who told me, she had stayed in touch with the captain’s while and daughter.” He said softly.
“You can always say goodbye to people even if you aren’t at the funeral but in this case, I would suggest you just talk with him and make peace in your heart he may be gone but he will always be with you.”
He smiled albeit a sad one. “I guess you’re right, but how do you say goodbye to someone who shaped you?”
“The same way you would anyone else, it’s not easy but you can do it”
He nodded. “Thank you, lieutenant, “ he said as he stood up.
“I will be here if you anything Lieutenant commander.”
Tj walked out of the room and found himself walking around the station. He didn’t have a set place to go he just wondered about the station. He stopped and stared out of a window. “Hey captain, thank you for everything you have done for me. I am sorry I wasn’t able to say good by it hurts but I know you sometimes the end comes out of the dark.” He passed as another tear rolled down his face. “Be at peace I know I carry on your dream” he turned from the window and headed back to his room to see his family.
As he reached his room his ran a sleeve over his face clearing the tears away. He pulled his tunic tight then walked inside.